Can you still be spontaneous when you become a parent?

One of the things I miss most now we have children is the ability to be truly spontaneous as a couple. To be walking through the city together and just wander into a new bar, because it looks cool and far more exciting than the reheated spag bol waiting at home. To meet friends after work with an hour’s notice. To drop everything and go stay with family for a weekend just because it’s been a while.

Fast forward to now and we have a far more rigid routine. There are nursery pickups, a much longer commute, bedtimes, teatimes, naptimes, “no children after 6pm” signs in pubs. Tom and I try to see our friends regularly, but it’s mostly individually. Trying to go out just the two of us is like a military operation and often leaves us more worn out than if we’d just stayed home and watched The Crown. Nothing happens on a whim.

And that limits our ability to be adventurous, to try new things or step outside of our comfort zone. When you have to plan everything, you plan things you know you’ll enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, I do love a good bit of organised fun. But every now and again, I love the feeling of just saying ‘f*** it, let’s go for ramen” and having the best time because you weren’t expecting it.

Perhaps it’s possible to be a spontaneous couple when you have kids. I can imagine it’s a bit easier when they’re older and not so reliant on routine. But right now, spontaneity is a long-lost concept and one I really miss. I hope one day to rekindle that adventurous spark and enjoy a totally unexpected day out.

The time we actually did say
“f*** it, let’s go for ramen” (2016)

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